Poem for Sunday: Things I Found in the Woods
A delicate fern frond reaches for the sun from last year’s dried stems.
Every year the winter opens up to a few days of warm intoxicating sun and mud in January or February, and I’ve run outside to celebrate the day. In 2012 it was February 5, two days after my 20-year-old tortoiseshell kitty Cookie died, and as I enjoyed the warm day and remembered this poem, I knew exactly what I wanted to create as a dedication to my faithful heart cat, my best friend.
I originally wrote this poem in 2006 for another senior Kitty, Moses, as I knew her body was failing and she had little time left, and in 2012 was glad to dedicate my first recording of one of my poems to Cookie, leading me to a new means of expression and sharing my creative efforts. I have a link to the recorded poem with slideshow at the end of this article along with a few notes about creating it. You can read and listen to the poem and also more about Cookie, Moses, and the creative inspirations of my feline muses in this post on The Creative Cat; here on Today I have only the poem and the recording.
Things I Found in the Woods
Dedicated to Moses, the most gentle, loving being I have ever encountered.
Tiny rivulets of water released from thawing soil
flowing beneath last year’s debris, trickling and gurgling all around
hurrying down hillsides before the freeze returns.
A cup-shaped fungus holding a tablespoon of snowmelt
for a song sparrow to sip, practicing its vernal melody
for the time when spring arrives in earnest.
Ferns, newly-green, draped on cliffs,
fluttering like garlands in the mild, caressing breeze
gathering a little nourishment to last the rest of the winter.
Fallen trees blanketed with bright green moss,
thick and lush already in the brief January thaw
filling a span of life in but a few days.
Four young white-tailed deer, capricious as the gusts,
feeling the flush of their first spring as adults
cavorting as if winter might not return tomorrow.
An understanding that life and love are cycles,
and that the moment must be taken for what it offers
even if what it offers is not what we expect.
The strength and courage to show as much dignity as you,
and to walk this last precious part of your path with you
and when I can walk no more beside you
to let you go.
“Things I Found in the Woods” © 2006 Bernadette E. Kazmarski
I had never before experienced the spring thaw in such wonderment at the transience of life—still winter but everything that lived was taking advantage of the moment.
So was Moses. So should I.
So I resolved just to let her follow her course and she would let me know what to do.
Listen to the Poem
I have always enjoyed reading my poetry to others, and had always wanted to try a little multi-media project including a slideshow of photos with narration. In February 2012 I lost my 20-year-old kitty Cookie, my best friend from practically the day she joined my household as a rescue and who spent many long days and nights over those years staying by my side as I found my creative life; I created this first recorded presentation in honor of her.
There are no photos of Cookie or any other cats in this; though I wrote it for Moses and dedicate this project to Cookie, it is what I found I feel about love, loss, and letting go. I was led to this knowledge, of course, by my cats. Thank you, my feline muses, as always, for showing me the way.
It’s also not timed quite right as some of the groups of images are shorter or longer than the stanza. Some of the photos I included at the end are from significant moments, for instance, the asters on Cookie’s picnic table bench from a morning Cookie and I were in the yard last October, the “Wolf Moon” in the bare tree and the sunset with the evening stars references to my mother who also passed last year at this time. Coordinating, more or less, with the second verse, the forsythia with the tiny song sparrow in the middle of it is actually from the morning of February 2 as I held Cookie on my lap and knew her process of dying had begun; it was the day of transition from winter to spring and all the birds were singing their spring songs, and a song sparrow landed very near to us and sang for a while.
I could have gotten a better microphone too, but I will stop explaining and making excuses, and I hope you enjoy it. Watch the video below or click here to see the video on YouTube, “Things I Found in the Woods”.
“Things I Found in the Woods” recording © 2012 Bernadette E. Kazmarski
I read this poem as part of my 2008 annual poetry reading and art exhibit, “Winter Twilight”.
Read more poetry here on Today or visit my poetry page to see more about my poetry and other writing, and to purchase Paths I Have Walked.
Paths I Have Walked, collected poems.
I’m proud to offer a folio of my poetry
Paths I Have Walked: the poetry and art of Bernadette E. Kazmarski
FROM FOUR ANNUAL POETRY READINGS AT ANDREW CARNEGIE FREE LIBRARY & MUSIC HALL IN CARNEGIE, PA
People who attended one or more of my poetry readings encouraged me to publish some of my poetry in a book from the beginning.
Once I completed my 2010 poetry reading, my fourth featuring the final piece of artwork in the “Art of the Watershed” series, I decided it was time to publish something and it should be those four poetry readings.
Poetry books are not best-sellers; it’s difficult to convince a publisher to risk effort on a beginning poet, and while self-publishing is the best option it’s not inexpensive and once you’ve got the book, someone’s got to market it. Plus, I’m a graphic designer and I designed books for years, and I want things my way.
All of this is a recipe for a little bit of trouble, but I decided the book was well worth the effort so I designed the book myself and had a set printed—no ISBN or anything formal, but it’s a start! I’m really excited to offer it.
Books are 4.25″ x 11″, 40 pages of information and poetry, with glossy covers featuring “Dusk in the Woods” and little thumbnails of all four pieces in “Art of the Watershed”.
$8.00 each plus $2.50 shipping (they are oversized for mailing first class).
You can order one on my poetry page, or in my Marketplace.
About the books and the poetry readings
My biggest inspiration for poetry, prose and artwork is the world right around me, and I enjoy the opportunity to share it from the perspective of one who walks and hikes and bikes and carries a camera, art materials and journal everywhere—even around the house—so the inspirations are fresh.
In December, 2006, two of my poems were chosen to be published on a section of the Prairie Home Companion website entitled “Stories From Home/First Person” for submissions of writing about the place we feel most familiar. I’m a long-time listener to PHC and reader of Garrison Keillor’s books as well as a daily listener to The Writer’s Almanac featuring news about writers and writing and of interest to writers as well as a poem, all compiled and read by Keillor himself. I was astonished to find my poems were among the first chosen from apparently thousands, and so happy to be able to share them with a potential audience of so many similarly inclined writers and readers.
My poetry readings and art exhibits were the vision of Maggie Forbes, executive director of the Andrew Carnegie Free Library & Music Hall, after learning of my publishing of those two
poems. I owe her many thanks for encouraging me to present this combination of my visual and literary art, a first for me. I love that building, every inch of it, and the opportunity to bring people in to visit is an honor.
Reflection
Mewsette reflects on the morning.
Mewsette gazes out the window reflecting on the soft winter morning as it reflects on her.
I spend a lot of time photographing my cats, in part just because they are there. First thing in the morning watching them enjoy the sun as they go about their feline activities awakens my creative sensibilities for the day as I look at compositions, shapes, colors and patterns. Right now, my entire household of five are black, and while that may sound dull they are a challenge and an inspiration.
For this shot I used my old faithful—and original—fully manual 50mm lens from my Pentax K-1000 with a 1.5X converter. The shallow focal depth allowed me to focus on her eye and the details literally reflected there while the rest of her features and the background are softened. The 50mm is also f1.8, unlike my f3.5 digital lens, and when photographing black cats, especially in challenging lighting conditions, the more light the better.
Cool Cat Mimi
- Mimi in cool colors.
Mimi peeks through the deck railing to see the view from there.
Forgot to switch that incandescent filter off again today before Mimi and I went out on the deck on a warm morning for January. Again, I like the results of this one! The background is my back yard and the neighbor’s yards in winter, of course, and no snow, so it’s basically browns and neutral earth tones. But the watercolory effect of the background gradation through shades of green, violet and blue is lovely. Mimi looks nice in cool colors as well.
Never curse those creative accidents! They may not be what you want, but they may be better than what you’d planned.
I posted this yesterday on The Creative Cat and thought I’d also share it here. I post one or two photos of my own and others’ cats every day in my Daily Photos.
All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in using one in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of this image or a product including this image, check my Etsy shop or Fine Art America profile to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
Squirrel Snack
Stuffing his cheeks full.
I complain about the squirrels and yell insults out the door when they yank down one of my feeders or chew through them to make big leaky holes, but they can be darned cute. This guy is sitting in a snowstorm nibbling on his squirrel corn, good boy, protecting himself from the wind and wet snow with his tail.
Where to next?
Where to next?
Through the Looking Glass, and What Mimi Found There
Through the Looking Glass, and What Mimi Found There
This is a reflection of a reflection, with a reflection of reality as well.
Indeed it does look as if Mimi is ready to step into the looking glass; that mirror is at an angle in the corner next to the window and the reflections are uniquely angled and difficult to achieve.
But this photo, backward from the way it is seen in life, is of a reflection—in a mirror across the room from the window! I have a full-length mirror on one panel of the bathroom bi-fold door so that I can see myself from top to bottom before I face the world, and to give the bathroom the feel of a little more space. In the reflection in that mirror I can see an angle I’d never be able to achieve otherwise, at least not without also seeing myself in that mirror. But that also explains the odd greenish cast and the random light and dark blurry spots; the mirror on the door is rather old, like many other things around here.
Either way, Mimi and I both had an adventure with this photo shoot today.
You can find more photos of fine felines every day on The Creative Cat.
Shadow Kitty
Shadow Kitty, subtle
The gentle mixed shadows reminded me of an illustration, and yet it changed every second with the sun, moving near midday shining through layers of trees at a long angle into the bathroom window, past the tall maples and the shorter tulip poplar and even shorter mulberry to the pussy willow right outside the window. Jelly Bean sat on the sink, head tilted toward the faucet, waiting for his human to “get it”, just the top of his head showing at the very bottom of the frame.
Then just a little later he moved up to the windowsill and look like a monster kitty heading into the room!
Shadow Kitty, large.
You can see more images of cats on The Creative Cat. All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in using one in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of this image or a product including this image, check my Etsy shop or Fine Art America profile to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
Camouflage, 2011
Camouflage
I only noticed her because about five of my cats were very quietly clustered near the front door, keeping very still, which is very unusual for them. I saw nothing until I walked outside, and I realize she must have been grazing around under the birch and froze when I came out. Her stillness made for a good shot in that shadow, though if I didn’t have an eye for details she would have been perfectly camouflaged.
Autumn Sun
Autumn Sun
Kelly lazily observes something high up the sunny window as the sun’s warmth both shines and reflects on her, from 2008. The light is so warm and the various patterns of hammered glass in the window create a feeling of seclusion and solitude, and all these reasons drew Kelly to this window regularly on all her years here.
See a few more photos from this series on The Creative Cat.
All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in using one in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of this image or a product including this image, check my Etsy shop or Fine Art America profile to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
Mr. Sunshine and the Basket
- Lurking in Black and White.
This is a very large, sturdy flat basket that I use at shows and festivals, and in between to move things around in my studio when I need to clear a workspace, except that it most often has a cat in it, or several cats as the case may be. Mr. Sunshine discovered it on the table and, seeing he had it all to himself decided to make a good time of it.
Above, I simply desaturated to make the image black and white.
- With Green Eyes.
Here, I desaturated everything but his eyes, then added a 10% deep yellow filter back into it when it looked too stark. I also shot it on an angle intentionally because it takes a pretty static, common composition and literally puts it a little off-kilter, and makes you wonder what the black cat is up to, especially with one paw on the edge of the basket, and one claw showing.
You’ve seen enough of my studio to know it’s always got stuff stacked everywhere since I always have projects going and the room will never be big enough. So seeing Mr. Sunshine happily settling in and exploring the space within the basket I tossed a piece of neutral-colored mat board up against the pile of stuff always at the end of my work table so he’d have a solid, light-colored background that wouldn’t interfere with the light and color metering in my camera.
Classic Sepia.
Sleepy kitty in basket! I desaturated and gave it a sepia filter just to warm it up.
I did get a number of nice photos, of which these are my favorites. Wasn’t it nice not to be distracted by all my stuff in the background for once?
All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in using one in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of this image or a product including this image, check my Etsy shop or Fine Art America profile to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
The Dove With Glowing Orange Feet
The Dove With Glowing Orange Feet
This was an interesting sight to see this morning when I turned to follow where Mr. Sunshine was looking. Glowing orange feet! They were lovely, but neither irradiated nor magic, only subject to the magic of morning sun. Mr. Sunshine was entranced.
Mr. Sunshine is enchanted by the dove.
Changing Light
Giuseppe at the door.
Giuseppe stands at the door watching the birds and chipmunks, hence his very alert and somewhat aggressive stance. The sun comes down the hill at an angle and filters through the leaves and branches of my river birch and then through the garland of grapevines around my door, creating lovely and changing patterns at all angles on the porch outside, the screen of the door, the floor inside and on Giuseppe, who has no idea he’s modeling abstract shadows and seems to emerge from the sunbeam itself.
This was today’s Daily Cat Photo on The Creative Cat
All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in using one in a print or internet publication. If you are interested in purchasing a print of this image or a product including this image, check my Etsy shop or Fine Art America profile to see if I have it available already. If you don’t find it there, visit Ordering Custom Artwork for more information on a custom greeting card, print or other item.
Migrating Monarchs, 2010
Monarch butterfly on mulberry leaf.
This monarch was resting on a cool leaf as it traveled through the neighborhood. It only stopped to rest in several areas, though my yard is still fresh with phlox and echinacea, two of any butterfly’s favorite foods. Likely the monarch is looking for milkweed plants to lay its eggs as it travels south. (Last September I featured a few photos of Munching Monarchs, monarch caterpillars munching away on milkweed leaves, one of my favorite sets of photos.)
Butterflies and birds are all in migration now, and the ones you see at your feeders and in your yard are likely not the ones you saw all summer. The same species of birds move farther south from their summer ranges, from Canada to the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic U.S., for instance, or from Pennsylvania to Florida, making it seem as if the same birds visit your feeders all year long.
And now is an especially important time to keep feeders and birdbaths filled for birds and butterflies who need to make a quick stop for nourishment before they move on. I have a few decorative additions to my garden and birdbaths for butterflies that hold a small amount of water in a shallow cup, a small luncheon plate on a tree stump that holds a small amount of water and I also keep a flat rock in the middle of a birdbath, all safe and convenient landing spots for butterflies to stop and have a sip.
Owl Eyes, 2010
Martha the Great Horned Owl
This is Martha, a Great Horned Owl rescued by the Wildlife Center at the Animal Rescue League Shelter and Wildlife Center of Western Pennsylvania. She’d apparently had one of her wings hit by a car as she was scavenging road kill, and the wing had begun to heal by the time she was rescued. A bird’s bones can’t be rebroken and set, so they just had to let it heal on its own, though the bone was twisted. She can’t fly so she can’t be released, but she’s a fairly willing demonstration owl for the Wildlife Center.
Kelly the Art Cat
Kelly the Art Cat.
I had to have one of my cats put to sleep today, my oldest, my last tortoiseshell cat, Kelly. Here’s a link to the article I wrote about her on The Creative Cat: Where’er You Walk, with links to lots of photos and sketches and articles about her.
Above is my favorite photo of her, her green eyes, her gentle face, her petite body, on her favorite windowsill watching over me as I paint.
I’ll be back in a few days.
Undecided Geese
Undecided Geese
The Canada geese were paddling along on Chartiers Creek as I made my late afternoon errands and they generally move with grace and composition, but they got all bunched up as they were going under the bridge—I think it was because the bridge has a pier in the center and some of them decided to go on the other side…and these guys just couldn’t decide what to do.
Then some goose took the initiative and everyone got in line. Geese like to know where they stand, or paddle.
Decided Geese
Pussy Willow
Pussy Willow
What I like most is the abstraction, the light and shadow playing on the objects and the walls, both the pussy willow and the cat turning from positive objects to negative space as the sun and shadow move across them.
It’s an older photo on film, and I’ve been scanning my prints up to now. For this one I’d like to get a good negative scanner.
I featured this on The Creative Cat tonight, and if you care to you can read a little more about this photo and how it encouraged me to consider taking my photography more seriously as an art in itself, and not just as reference photos for my art.
The Kissing Cardinals
The Kissing Cardinals
Cardinals will do this as a courtship ritual, feed each other seeds. I thought it was past the time for courtship for cardinals, but perhaps they are on a little honeymoon.
I wish the lighting had been a little different on this. There is a little sunlight on the cardinals, but because my neighbor’s steps are in full sun the birds were nearly silhouetted. A flash was not an option because I shot this through my front window and would have had only a flashed out window. But I’m so glad I finally caught them in the act—I’ve seen cardinals do this for years in the spring but haven’t been able to catch them in time.
Long Hard Winter: 2010
Long Hard Winter
A deer skull left behind along one of the trails. Not so hard this past year, but 2010 was pretty rough.
I visited a conservation area for one of the environmental group to photograph the site generally and plan for signage in an abandoned mine drainage project on the site. The site is a flood plain in a valley along a creek, and snowfall is deep; I know because I had been trying to get into the site from the beginning of February in order to begin the signage project, but the snow was waist deep, and it persisted into mid-March. Any animal that did not hibernate or go dormant had a challenge finding food and even just getting around.
Nature happens in even the kindest of places. This is probably not from this year because the skull looks too weathered. It may be that a scavenger simply dug it out in its quest for other food. I can picture the tan fur, the dark, soft eyes on either side of the skull and the velvet, upright ears, even the dark muzzle of an alert white-tailed deer looking at me from the trail.
Pawprints and Raindrops
Cookie on my art table.
I have some catching up to do; I decided to slow down a little after Cookie passed. Now I’m remembering her, and ready to start posting daily images again, plus posting images from past years.
This post is really not about the gratuitous photo of Cookie reclining on my art table out on the deck one fine summer afternoon a few years ago, though I do fondly remember how often she accompanied me—no, she supervised me—wherever I was, demanding to be outside with me and promising to be good. This photo was with the original post in 2010.
In addition to Cookie, this post was one I published two years ago and it includes a poem I’d written and read that year at my annual poetry reading at Andrew Carnegie Free Library & Music Hall entitled “Pawprints and Raindrops” and it actually features my other tortoiseshell kitty, Kelly.
This poem went on to be published in a variety of sites on the internet, and it also won both a Certificate of Excellence and Muse Medallion for poetry from the Cat Writer’s Association in 2010. Since I’m on a roll with practicing the recording of readings, I thought I’d record this one along with a slideshow of images. A link is after the poem, below.
Coming Spring poetry reading, 2010.
Thursday, February 18, 2010 was the date for “Coming Spring”, my fourth annual poetry reading and art exhibit at Andrew Carnegie Free Library & Music Hall in Carnegie, my home town. I featured 10 new poems and and the fourth and final painting of my “Art of the Watershed” series, “Spring Morning at a Bend in the Creek”, plus a display of favorite originals, prints and notecards; you can see the painting and read more about this event on my “What’s New?” blog.
My biggest inspiration for poetry, prose and artwork is the world right around me, and I enjoy the opportunity to share it from the perspective of one who walks and hikes and bikes and carries a camera, art materials and journal everywhere—even around the house—so the inspirations are fresh.
Looking at my body of work, this, of course, includes my cats, and my cats are vitally involved in the paintings and photos I create; even if they aren’t the subject, they are somehow physically involved with their creation by sitting on my lap, rolling pastels off my table, drinking watercolor rinse water and so on.
Most visitors to The Creative Cat are familiar with my feline paintings, but I haven’t published too much of my feline poetry. I read this poem at my reading this year, and sometime soon I’ll feature other poems as well, some of which have photos, paintings or illustrations to accompany.
About this poem…have you ever partly awakened and combined your sleepy thoughts with the reality of your surroundings? So I did one rainy morning in summer. As at least one of my kitties is always vigilant about me, my little tortoiseshell kitty Kelly realized that I was nearing waking probably before I did and came over to greet me, and with her help I slipped off into an illusion of dreamy contentment.
PAWPRINTS AND RAINDROPS
I am not awake but aware
of the sound of raindrops
whispering in the leaves and tapping on the roof
in the early morning, still dark
and little Kelly, sensing my awareness
hurries over and steps on my back;
I feel her tiny cold paws dimpling the surface of my skin
as I drift off in the murmur of her purr and the rain
I think of raindrops on water,
I am the water, my skin the surface
and I can look up and in the increasing daylight
see the circular ripples of contentment
mingling on my own surface.poem © 2010 B. E. Kazmarski
Now you can listen to the poem too
I’ve recorded it with a slideshow of images and uploaded it to YouTube, but you can click the embedded video below and watch it right here.
And visit another poem too, Things I Found in the Woods.
Other places it was published
I am grateful to the websites who published this poem and led to my winning the Certificate and Medallion. Pawprints and Raindrops and my painting “Sunday Morning” were featured on the award-winning The Daily Tail blog (now Taildom)! Please visit to read and enjoy, and also to read wide-ranging daily stories and images about cats, dogs, cows, birds, deer and just about anything else with fur or feathers…or scales…or…
This poem was also featured in Catnip Chronicles in April 2010, and this was the reference for which I won the award, so click over there to read it and then subscribe to this monthly online journal of all things cat!
I’ll have one more cat poem from 2010 tomorrow, but I’m not sure what I’ll use for the slideshow…
About my poetry and poetry readings
In December, 2006, two of my poems were chosen to be published on a section of the Prairie Home Companion website entitled “Stories From Home/First Person” for submissions of writing about the place we feel most familiar. ACFL&MH invited me to perform a poetry reading and to display the artwork that inspired those poems.
After each show I’ve built a web page with the poetry and art I featured. Please visit, read my poetry and view my artwork. My prior readings have been:
"Paths I Have Walked", book of poetry.
“Paths I Have Walked”, book of poetry.
“Paths I Have Walked”in 2007, featuring “Dusk in the Woods”;
“Winter Twilight” in 2008, featuring “Summer Morning on the Creek”;
“Change of Season” in 2009, featuring “Autumn Comes to the Valley”;
“Coming Spring” in 2010, featuring “Spring Comes to a Bend in the Creek”
In 2011 I published a small book of my poetry from these four readings entitled Paths I Have Walked. Right now it’s still available in print—read more about it on my Portraits of Animals Marketplace blog or order it from my website—but one of the reasons I keep reading these poems is to practice reading them for the audio version of this book. I am also preparing it for various e-readers.
I’ll have one more poem from this year tomorrow.
________________________
All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in purchasing one as a print, or to use in a print or internet publication.
Things I Found in the Woods, 2012
A delicate fern frond reaches for the sun from last year’s dried stems.
Every year the winter opens up to a few days of warm intoxicating sun and mud in January and often in February, and I’ve run outside to celebrate the day. This year it was February 5, two days after Cookie died, and as I enjoyed the warm day and remembered this poem, I knew exactly what I wanted to create as a dedication to my faithful heart cat, my best friend.
I originally wrote this poem in 2006, for Moses as I knew her body was failing and she had little time left, and originally wrote this post in February 2011. What I wrote last year about this time of year is still how I feel today, so I won’t change it, but bear in mind that its references are a year old.
And I have a link to the poem with slideshow at the end of the article along with a few notes about creating it. I have some things to learn about this, but I think I’m going to enjoy reading my poems this way, and I’m glad I could do this for Cookie.
FEBRUARY 2011—I ran out for a happy two-hour sojourn as far as I could go on the trail and into the woods to see the brilliant swatches of green here and there, the stream rushing along, birds flying crazily overhead and singing in one big chorus.
The water still cold but running free.
I took off my shoes and ran through the mud in my bare feet, stepping into the freezing, rushing water of the stream, climbing hills and rock faces and photographing with my camera and my mind’s eye and all my senses the exhilaration of this day, coming back with muddy feet, wild hair filled with leaves and twigs, scratches on my arms and lots of images and inspiration.
It’s a traditional respite from a frozen winter, a “spring thaw”, too early to be permanent but enough to reawaken our senses and begin stirring the life forces in all of nature.
The full moon in February is often called the “Hunger Moon”; though people have managed through the deepest extended cold of winter, their food stores put by at the previous autumn’s harvest may be near gone and a frozen landscape still surrounds with not much nourishment in sight until the first edible greens begin to sprout in March or later in far north regions. People and animals who’d made it this far would often perish if spring was too long in coming.
Mosses leaf out and bloom.
But beneath the snow plants have been gathering energy, seeds are swelling, roots are spreading, and above the snow the days are growing longer. Just two warm days in January or February are long enough to melt the snowcover and pour it into streams, soften the top layer of loam in the woods and everything that has life will spring to life, even if only temporarily, insects hatching, mosses blooming, ferns sending spores into the wind, living just long enough to reproduce, though the parents themselves may not survive.
These in turn provide a burst of food and fresh water for birds and animals to rejuvenate and energize and prepare for the effort of the months ahead, giving birth and raising their young.
I’ve always found the spring thaw, whenever it comes, to be a magical time, a gift from our compassionate mother in nature, perhaps, the world so full of life and energy that tired souls weary of the struggle of daily existence in a harsh frozen world will be reminded of better days to come. It is a moment outside of normal chronological time that we can find peace in a chapter of hardship, difficulty or sadness.
Brilliant Memories
This day also reminded me of a similar spring thaw five years ago when I knew that my Moses was letting go. I hadn’t lost a cat in quite some time and was frightened at the prospect, though she was calm and accepting. I just happened to be in the woods for a photo assignment the day I realized Moses’ condition, and as the air was full of life around me I decided to take some time in the woods after the assignment.
It was that loving respite from my fear and worry, the life and energy around me, that filled my heart with the understanding and acceptance I needed to help Moses through her last time, and, as it turned out, four others within the next 18 months; it would not end there.
Moses in her garden
But now all my losses have become one and are no longer losses, not a big chasm of dark sadness but a bright collective of memories of all their lives mingled with mine in the same way I remember the turns of the seasons. Their losses are not separate from me and my life, but their lives are a permanent part of who I am and the cats I live with today as I remember being in the garden with Moses, the day I first saw Stanley with ice crystals collecting on his fur, the way the furniture was arranged when I moved in here and everyone collected on the table by the door when I left in the morning, watching Mimi outside and deciding she should come to live with me.
Their lives are not a part of my past, but of my present; just as the earth holds the memories of all that’s past and turns it into new life, so do I.
We are resilient; even after the harshest treatment has forced us to retreat and protect ourselves, we are ready again for the fullness of life when encouraging conditions return.
The Poem
I wrote the first six verses of this poem sitting on a moss and lichen-covered rock in the woods that day I realized my life was about to change with Moses’ imminent transition, then the last verse during her last few days though I was never happy with it. This year I found the words that were, well, right, for Moses and Cookie and all others and realize the poem is not about loss, but about letting go of anything you love.
Dedicated to Moses, the most gentle, loving being I have ever encountered.
Things I Found in the Woods
Tiny rivulets of water released from thawing soil
flowing beneath last year’s debris, trickling and gurgling all around
hurrying down hillsides before the freeze returns.
A cup-shaped fungus holding a tablespoon of snowmelt
for a song sparrow to sip, practicing its vernal melody
for the time when spring arrives in earnest.
Ferns, newly-green, draped on cliffs,
fluttering like garlands in the mild, caressing breeze
gathering a little nourishment to last the rest of the winter.
Fallen trees blanketed with bright green moss,
thick and lush already in the brief January thaw
filling a span of life in but a few days.
Four young white-tailed deer, capricious as the gusts,
feeling the flush of their first spring as adults
cavorting as if winter might not return tomorrow.
An understanding that life and love are cycles,
and that the moment must be taken for what it offers
even if what it offers is not what we expect.
The strength and courage to show as much dignity as you,
and to walk this last precious part of your path with you
and when I can walk no more beside you
to let you go.
I had never before experienced the spring thaw in such wonderment at the transience of life—still winter but everything that lived was taking advantage of the moment.
So was Moses. So should I.
So I resolved just to let her follow her course and she would let me know what to do.
On a Rainy Afternoon, Cookie and Mimi
I have kept this lesson in my heart with each of the older kitties I’ve loved since. I don’t care what’s coming for us. I love them right now, this moment.
Ten years ago I lived with a largely different group of nine cats, only Cookie and Kelly still with me from those days. Ten years from now the group will be similarly changed. But each of them from before this time and the years to come is forever a part of my life.
I knew last year at this time that Cookie and I likely wouldn’t have much more time, and here we are a year later, two weeks after she has passed. I love this photo of her and Mimi especially, and all the others of her I’ve shared and will continue to share. I took this message to heart last year and I’m glad that Cookie and I had a final year to say a long goodbye, and that I could share her with all of you.
Listen to the Poem
I have always enjoyed reading my poetry to others, and have wanted to try a little multi-media project including a slideshow of photos with narration. I am glad to create this first one for Cookie, who spent many long days and nights over 19 years staying by my side as I found my creative life.
There are no photos of Cookie or any other cats in this; though I wrote it for Moses and dedicate this project to Cookie, it is what I found I feel about love, loss, and letting go. I was led to this knowledge, of course, by my cats. Thank you kitties, as always, for showing me the way.
It’s also not timed quite right as some of the groups of images are shorter or longer than the stanza. Some of the photos I included at the end are from significant moments, for instance, the asters on Cookie’s picnic table bench from a morning Cookie and I were in the yard last October, the “Wolf Moon” in the bare tree and the sunset with the evening stars references to my mother who also passed last year at this time. Coordinating, more or less, with the second verse, the forsythia with the tiny song sparrow in the middle of it is actually from the morning of February 2 as I held Cookie on my lap and knew her process of dying had begun; it was the day of transition from winter to spring and all the birds were singing their spring songs, and a song sparrow landed very near to us and sang for a while.
I could have gotten a better microphone too, but I will stop explaining and making excuses, and I hope you enjoy it. Watch the video below or click here to see the video on YouTube, “Things I Found in the Woods”.
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All images used on this site are copyrighted to Bernadette E. Kazmarski unless otherwise noted and may not be used without my written permission. Please ask if you are interested in purchasing one as a print, or to use in a print or internet publication.
Black Cat Abstract
Black Cat Abstract
This is what happens when cool reflected winter light meets indoor light from the ceiling fixture, something I could never plan because it depends on the quality of light and even the time of day, and, of course, all that shiny black fur. It hardly looks that way in the viewfinder, it all just depends on how the color sensor records it.
If you can’t figure them out, from the top, Jelly Bean is cleaning his white spot, Mewsette is curled facing him, Guiseppe is curled on the left and upside down and Mr. Sunshine is using him as a pillow. I usually use The Creative Cat as the outlet for my cat photos, but every once in a while I like to share one with a photography audience, so meet the Fantastic Four, the Curious Quartet.
A nice little psychedelic sensation in the middle of the afternoon.
Camouflage
Camouflage
I only noticed her because about five of my cats were very quietly clustered near the front door, keeping very still, which is very unusual for them. I saw nothing until I walked outside, and I realize she must have been grazing around under the birch and froze when I came out. Her stillness made for a good shot in that shadow.
Black Cat Appreciation Day
Those Luminous Eyes
It’s Black Cat Appreciation Day—why not? We do that every day here with five black cats. I have lots of gigabytes of photos of black cats, but here is one that I love best, in part because of their eyes, Mewsette and Giuseppe, sister and brother. I may post another, who knows? We’ve been making the most of this holiday on The Creative Cat and at Portraits of Animals on Facebook.
Chocolate Bunny
Chocolate Bunny
Not to be too precious, but the little wild rabbits, when they sat still and alert, have always looked like chocolate bunnies to me. This is a baby, not even half the size of an adult and still has a white spot between its eyes, but quick on the draw. Oops, human! Run! All I saw was a white cotton ball disappearing under the honeysuckle.
